Looking back on my childhood years, there were people who influenced who I was and who I have become. Many of those individuals were coaches and teachers. Some left a positive impression, some I do not remember, while still others, unfortunately, left some temporary or more permanent scars.
Fast forward to my years in ministry. I continue to be impacted by coaches and wise counselors and now have the privilege of coaching several church planters, leadership teams and other high-level leaders.
I encourage every leader to invest in a coach. But once you have decided to get one, how do you get the most out of your coaching relationship?
Choosing Your Coach
It is important to:
Invite someone to speak into your life.
Who you choose as a coach is an important decision. You are going to invite this person to ask you the difficult questions, walk through your successes and your failures and learn both your weaknesses as well as your strengths. Choose wisely!
Lay out expectations early and clearly.
Let your coach know what works best for you. Do you want a couple of brief conversations each month or one longer one? Is a phone call or a video conference better? Who contacts whom? You are hiring the coach. You set the ground rules.
The Coaching Appointment
Always have an agenda for your meeting.
Know ahead of the meeting what you would like to talk about and how you would like to spend your time. Tell your coach what discussions would benefit you most.
Provide your coach with any information and documentation before the appointment.
Give your coach a chance before the appointment to read through any materials you would like to discuss. Your time with your coach is so valuable. Do not waste it by having them read something they could have read previously.
Encourage your coach to ask questions you need to answer, rather than asking them to answer all of your questions.
Your coach is there to help you come up with the best solutions for your situation. Let them help get you to the best results by asking the right questions.
Answer honestly, rather than giving the answers you think your coach wants to hear.
It can be tempting to try and guess what the coach wants to hear. Be honest, tell them what you are thinking and how you approach difficulties and solutions. This will help them prepare you for other obstacles that come your way.
When given assignments, complete them right away while the information is fresh.
Don’t procrastinate and wait weeks or a month before completing tasks and assignments. You just spent time and had an in-depth discussion. Process it now! The easiest way I find to do this is block out an equal amount of time after your appointment as the appointment itself. If your coaching call lasts an hour, block out 2 in order to give you time to process and edit your notes.
Let your coach know the action steps you are wanting to take and those you will not.
If your coach makes a suggestion or gives an assignment which you know you are not going to do, let them know. Do not spend valuable appointment time going down meaningless paths. Your coach will help you look at situations from a different perspective or in a fresh way, but create next steps you know you will take.
Don’t waste your appointment by trying to prove that you are smarter than your coach.
If you seem to regularly be in disagreement with your coach or are trying to convince them that your ways are better, take time to listen to what they are asking and why they are pointing you in a specific direction. Often times, they are helping you see and know those things which you will not naturally see or know. Let their experience guide the process.
How Do I Know When it is Time to Change Coaches?
Do you no longer look forward to connecting with your coach?
Your coaching appointments should be a highlight in your ministry training and anticipated, due to the benefit they bring to you, as an individual, and your ministry. If you do not look forward to them or find them valuable, it may be time to think about getting a new coach.
Do you know all the questions your coach is going to ask you before they ask them?
Each coach has perspectives - approaches to issues and insights they will bring to your conversations. After a period of time (it differs for each coach), you will learn their methods. When you can predict how your coaching appointment will go, it may be time to get a coach with a different perspective.
Have you decided to be uncoachable?
Sometimes the coaching relationship just does not work and you withdraw from the process. Since the coach works for you, find one that you want to invite to speak into your life.
If you would like help finding a coach who will work for you and serve you well, contact us at excelleadershipcoaching.com.